There are times in my life when I have been a victim – a victim of circumstance, or so I thought. I wondered why things often didn’t work out in my favour, and how I got so “unlucky.” I used to push to create the things that I wanted, forcing them to happen; if I couldn’t, I lived out the fantasy in my mind. Little did I realize that I was unconsciously creating these scenarios to teach me about power.
It is very common for us to relinquish our power, to give it away without realizing. We do this on a daily basis sometimes, and this behaviour becomes a habitual cycle of disempowerment. For example, some of the comments we make are actually disempowering:
“I didn’t get the job that I wanted”
“My relationship is falling apart”
“My health is in shambles”
“I can’t seem to make enough money”
These are the types of thoughts that make us feel powerless. When we feel powerless, we get stuck in a cycle of creating difficult situations that make us feel even more powerless.
So what is power?
Power is ultimately the ability to create a desired result. It’s the ability to attract and create circumstances that lead to our gain, which in turn build our own sense of power. In other words, we become even more powerful each time we use our power responsibly to create what we want; it has a cumulative effect.
Not All Power Is Created Equally
One of the key reasons we may shy away from or suppress our own power is because we are afraid of creating negative consequences. There are plenty of examples throughout history where power has been misused with dire outcomes. The ultimate fear is using our power to dominate others. If we become powerful will we fall victim to the same fate?
Deep down, we all want to feel powerful. We all know the power we have inside of us to create reality. It is up to us to notice the signs of giving our power away so we can consciously “reclaim” it. As Marianne Williamson says:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
As human beings we have a natural desire to feel powerful, so when we don’t feel powerful in our own right, we will orchestrate our outer lives in a way that makes us feel powerful. For example, trying to control others’ behaviour, acquiring unnecessary possessions, and spreading drama and gossip.
However, this only results in a deeper feeling of disempowerment and disillusionment about what it takes to have the lives we desire. We seek to control the things we feel we can control, rather than tapping into our own innate power source.
Why People Give Their Power Away
The more power you have, the more responsibility you have to use it wisely. A great example is someone who earns millions of dollars a year: they have to then manage that money, which requires a great amount of responsibility for what happens to it. So, the less money you earn, the less money you have to manage, and the less responsibility you have.
Many people don’t want to take on a higher level of responsibility, as they would then have to face their deepest fears of feeling inadequate and powerless. With power comes the responsibility of being conscious of your choices and how they impact your reality. What will you choose?
It is common for spiritually aware people to give their power away because they are aware that their actions could harm people or the planet in ways they have witnessed in others. Yet what they don’t realise is the harm they are doing to themselves because they are turning their power inwards and creating unnecessary problems and dramas in their own lives – especially their relationships, their finances, and/or their health.
How To Know When You’re Giving Your Power Away
As a result of not wanting to acknowledge and effect our power, we “give it away” – often without knowing that we make things outside of us rulers of our realities. Here are five signs you may be stuck in this cycle:
1. Any Addiction
When we become addicted to anything – foods, shopping, technology, drugs, TV shows, sex, pets, people, and so on – we are giving our power to that external “thing.” We allow it to control our behaviour over and over again. The underlying belief is that we cannot be happy, be ourselves, or be free without that “thing,” so we keep going back for more to get our “fix.”
2. Repetitive Relationship Patterns
When you find yourself facing the same difficult scenarios in relationships, whether it’s with the same person or different people, you are stuck in a repetitive behavioural pattern of giving your power to your partner as well as taking your power from your partner. This pattern usually shows up as blame, resentment, over-dependence, and in the same arguments that keep arising. Underlying this cycle is the belief that “I need someone else to give me <insert need here>.”
3. Financial Challenges
Money problems are a tell-tale sign of giving our power away, simply because we need to feel powerful, to some degree, to create wealth and abundance. It is common to let money dictate how we feel about ourselves, yet it is the other way around: our money situation is a reflection of how powerful we feel.
4. Health Issues
When we have pain, illness, or dis-ease in our bodies, it is a sign that we are out of balance; that we are giving power to heal ourselves away. We all have the power within us to create good health, but when we develop physical dis-ease our bodies are communicating to us that we are losing our life force energy; this energy is needed to heal.
Depression happens when we feel out of control in our lives. We don’t feel like we can change the status quo to create what we want, so we “opt out” of life to some degree. What precedes depression is often a feeling that you cannot control, such as grief or anger. In effect, a depressed person is suppressing their power, and controlling what they can control: feeling nothing.
You Can Reclaim Your Power Now
Once you recognize the signs and you are willing to reclaim your power, it can shift within you very quickly, and your outer reality subsequently changes. There are many techniques to reclaim your power, but the most effective and fast-acting one that I’ve come across is to look at how your relationship with power began by asking: “Which part of me doesn’t want to grow up and realize how powerful I truly am?”
The act of giving our power away begins at a young age – it’s our way of getting what we want. If you can pinpoint the age where you consciously chose to give away your power for the first time, you can speak to this younger version of yourself and invite her/him to make a different choice. This is a very simple technique which can have a profound impact on living a more powerful life.