The foolishness of modern man is in that an average man always thinks he is above average.
The perception of ‘easy and difficult’ is the result of one’s state of being. Swatting a fly is ‘difficult’ for some, while killing thousands is ‘easy’ for terrorists.
Dropping the ego is easy when we realise that we are less than a dot in this vast cosmos. It is foolish to live with the illusion that we are the centre of the cosmos. Dropping ego becomes difficult when we have this illusion. To live on hope is a symptom that one is not in the present.
In any circle there is a centre and a circumference. If the centre of your life is hope then you will experience deficiency. If the centre of your life is enjoying the moment, living in the moment, being total in the moment …. then hope will be a circumference… then it is not a problem.
Let kitchen items be in the kitchen and bathroom items be in the bathroom. If they are placed elsewhere, then there is a problem. There is no problem with ‘hope’ as such, as long as it is in the circumference and not in the centre. Be alive to the present.
The self with arrogance is ego. Self with the ignorance of who we are is also ego. Self filled with hopes and dreams is also ego. Ego lives either in the past or in the future, but never in the present. Its centre resides either in the past or in the future but it misses the present.
We are living in the world of ego … the ‘lower self.’ But if our centre is gratitude and devotion, then we live in the present. Both past and future become mere reference points. This is the ‘higher self.’ The ‘higher self’ is a space from which possibilities arise. It is a flow. It is a learning energy. It is an evolving being. You have the choice to operate either from the ‘lower’ or ‘higher self.’
When you operate from ego, your relationships will definitely be affected. Ego wants to prove its point of view. The point of view is more important than truth or happiness. In that state, you demand and not command respect. If a couple demands respect from each other, then they are beggars of happiness and not givers of happiness. In the egoistic state, an argument feeds the ego. Remember no one wins an argument. You accumulate more of bitterness and at different periods of time you settle scores with the other.
But when you operate from the ‘higher self,’ there is a healthy discussion. In discussion, truth is more important than who has said it. Happiness and well-being become more important than the survival of one’s point of view.
Then a relationship becomes rhythmic. You enjoy being with the other and you enjoy being alone. You are neither dependent nor independent but interdependent. You share your joyous being and not beg happiness from your partner.
The identity of ’Who we are?’ is created by what others have said about us. If others have told you that you are a great speaker, then you feel you are a great speaker. So your identity is the product of what others have said about you. So your identity is dependent on others. In fact others create your identity. Others validate you. It is painful, as you have invested much on others. Your image is in the hands of others.
The fact is, the real ‘I’ in us is not created by others. The ‘lower self’ is a product of others, but the ‘higher self’ is our essence. The ‘higher self’ is a ‘presence.’ It is awareness. We have not learnt to operate from that state of being. Hence, we are alien to ourselves.
When your partner separates from you, you feel you are at a loss. Stop and look within. You find a ‘higher self,’ God waiting for you. Learn to discover aloneness in a relationship and beyond a relationship. Aloneness is not loneliness.
What makes relationships work?
• Operate from the ‘higher self.’
• Operate from commitment and not complaint.
• Let your identity not depend on others.
• Don’t settle scores with others.
• Create a bliss body and not a hurt body.
• Learn to expand others’ comfort zones and not increase discomfort zone.
• Learn to convert a sexual act into a prayerful act.
• Create a learning and rejoicing family.
• Learn to be a good finder and not a fault-finder.
• Present your point of view and not ‘poke’ your point of view.
• Focus on togetherness and not differences.
Let a difference be a learning point and not a fighting point. Let us rise above differences than be victims of differences. Once we start placing any difficulty in a sacred space we learn a lot.