We are all creatures created out of love and filled with love. Our heart and spirit is ever longing for love. It is the lack of love that is responsible for all the violence and restlessness that we see in the world today. It is lack of love that makes living life here miserable.
As children, we are filled with love. As we grow older, society steps in, trains and teaches us to protect ourselves, to survive, to seek safety and security and slowly we stop acting out of love and start acting out of fear and insecurity. We start living for ourselves more and less for others.
And slowly, it becomes I, me and myself. We become ego driven, instead of love driven, and start separating ourselves and drifting away from the oneness and unity of life and become individual units. But the need for love remains
We try and form bonds with other humans, because we need love, and so do they. No man can perpetually remain an island. All of us need love, caring, understanding, respect, time, advice, and company of like-minded folks. We need to be needed and cherished. We are all built in such a way that we crave love—physical, mental, emotional and spiritual love.
Having formed a relationship based on love, we unfortunately let the love take a back seat, and it is the ego which starts relating to others. Our ego and the ego of others invariably clashes, for each ego is not looking to give as much as it is looking to take, to own, to possess, and to exploit. In most relationships, there are only two takers and no givers. No wonder then that most relationships are fraught with tensions and conflicts. Our egos always try to dominate, and rarely are interested in compromise or consensus.
Relationships will remain harmonious and joyous only when there is a good balance of giving and taking. As Osho used to say “When something can be achieved by folding one’s hands, why should we try and acquire the same by raising our hands? We need to be soft in love, not hard. When both partners look to take, who will give? Every one of us wants the finished goods in love, but are not interested in investing in the raw materials. Obviously, very soon, the finished goods, which is love, starts diminishing and dies down.
In an effort to get love, people start looking towards other people and other avenues for love—mother, father, siblings, friends, colleagues, pets, plants, hobbies, creative pursuits, work……but the craving for the love of another human being never goes….and keeps haunting us. And we are built with different vibrations and are constantly seeking those who have similar vibrations. There is a natural attraction between similar vibrating people, irrespective of who or what they are.
Out of our fear that the other person will go away, out of our fear that the other person might start loving someone else more than he or she loves us, we bind them with legal, social and familial contracts and bindings. We bring in a lot of concepts like duty, responsibility, social rules, etc. These work for some time, or might work all our lives, but the quality of the relationship will always be one of unhappiness, sorrow, a feeling of being choked, and intense anger. It is only when we give others complete freedom that the relationship flowers to great heights.
What we must realize that even if we want to, we really cannot curb the freedom of another. In order to curb the freedom of another totally, we need to lock up that person in a room permanently, or we need to constantly check and keep a watch on that person, lifelong. In the process, we ourselves become prisoners. From one prisoner, now it becomes two prisoners. Only when you set your partner or friend or son or daughter free, will they have the space and mindset to love you. Who loves a prisoner, a jailor?
When you are in any relationship, try and think with your heart, not with your ego driven mind always. The mind has its uses, no doubt, but not where love is concerned. Love is illogical, love is irrational, love is without explanations, without boundaries, without any restrictions. Just let the love flow from your heart to the heart of another, and don’t let your love be corrupted by the ego driven emotions of fear, anger, jealousy, envy, greed, lust, worry, anxiety, dread, stress and avarice. Love totally, become love itself. And see how life and others treat you. Don’t make love into a business with profit and loss. You will have achieved heaven on earth with your love. There is no other way to achieve heaven on earth.
WHAT IS TRUE LOVE? When love is real, you don’t ask anything from your partner. If s/ he loves you, you have everything you desire. You ask for nothing and have everything. That is true love. The majority of us cannot recognize, develop, sustain, nourish, show, give, receive love… and the lack of love is one of the most frequent causes why people violently and even cruelly deprive other people, and even themselves of life. From the book–Soul Mates: How to Find and Keep True Love: Spiritual Guide