Oh yes, another video of some poor schmuck being filmed while he is just ‘out to lunch’ after surgery. And by ‘out-to-lunch,’ I mean completely twisted from the effects of the anesthesia.
In November of last year, 22-year-old Ben Salzman had to have routine surgery involving anesthesia at Duke University Medical Center in North Carolina. This hilarious video shows what happened when he woke up in the hospital, still under the effects of the anesthesia.
When he finally comes to, his doctor is making jokes about why he is in the hospital in the first place.
“Just sign these papers and you’re in the army,” he says, before telling him he’s kidding, of course. Kind of mean, but kind of hilarious.
Ben is all kinds of loopy at this point but his doctor and his dad are trying to keep him awake by asking him questions. His responses are brutally long, but absolutely hysterical.
It’s like all his thoughts that are jumbled up inside his head are just fluently flowing out of his mouth. He’s even answering questions that haven’t even been asked. He elaborates about his application to Duke University, affairs in the news, Falcons winning the football game, etc. I don’t know what drug they gave this kid but he won’t shut up, and his ramblings are just too entertaining.
Most people coming down from the drugs just want to sleep, but not this guy. He just wants to talk.
The doctor makes the smart decision to allow him to stay in his bed instead of trying to get him to walk around. This guy is so stoned it would be watching Bambi learn to walk again.
“Do you think I could have some more morphine?” Ben asks, mid-speech.
The resounding “no” from the doctors is pretty comical as they tell him he was never even given any morphine in the first place!
“You do not ever need morphine in your life, Ben,” stresses the doctor through his laughter.
Then, Ben begins to admit things. “I take photos during statistics class, sorry Dad.” At which point you even hear the doctor in the background murmur, “You can ask him anything you want.” This doctor must have a teenage son. He knows this stuff is like truth serum.
His dad takes advantage of the ‘all-too-honest’ state that Ben is in and begins to ask him questions about his driving habits. Again, Ben goes on … and on … about his cautious driving and how he never speeds.
Each question he is asked seems to lead into a new tangent of verbal diarrhea. It is fantastic.
The macaroni and cheese rant out of nowhere is the best, though:
“What if macaroni and cheese ruled the world? Because if you think about it, per quantity in each box, there would be so much mac and cheese than humans, and what if mac and cheese would be able to create an entity in which they would be able to form their own brains? Then we’d be in complete … ketchupy?”
Did he say ketchupy? What the heck is ketchupy? He then wonders if that would be a good thing because after all, Barack Obama wanted “a change”. Then he ponders “but are we ready for cheeses to take over the world?” Heavy stuff, Ben, I don’t know.
Mind-blown though, when he starts to talk about a post-modernism class he’s taking. Even doped up on anesthetics, the kid still knows exactly what he’s talking about.
“It’s a grade booster and it’s an interesting class because we get to look at like the fragmentation and all of those things of the literature,” he says.
“There’s a lot of double speak and double narration and intertextuality that we get to explore. It’s like the smartest kids in the whole school, so I’m kind of the black sheep.” Intertextuality? Maybe, he’s being honest about the black sheep thing.
By the end of the video, Ben is finally answering questions correctly, though it takes him ummmmm……..forever to answer. Hopefully, Ben comes down from it soon because I am not sure the camera has enough battery life to endure any more weird dopey rants!
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